Ontario Caregiver Organization has fantastic resources that will allow you to be resilient. Find more information on their website:

https://learning.ontariocaregiver.ca/

I’ve heard it said that you only live once, but I disagree. You live everyday and only die once, which makes it hard to come to terms with the end. I have learned from some of the best death doula’s and would love to pass on some words of wisdom.

Understanding where each person is emotionally, without judgement, is the key to unlocking the forward momentum needed to start planning. I’ve learned from personal experience that when it scomes to having an open conversation with those that matter so much to you, may require a professional to mediate and objectively understand what the individual needs to process through this journey.

Here are some resources that helped me wrap my mind around what was happenin so that I could embrace and accept the final moments with my mom.

https://www.dyingwithdignity.ca/

http://www.virtualhospice.ca

http://advancecareplanning.ca

www.spaltc.ca/resource-library/

The Care Share Playbook

End of Life Conversations

Communication in Hospice

Regularly updating this form during a hospital stay can help ensure clear communication with the healthcare team and facilitate a smoother transition during discharge. For more detailed guidance, consider reviewing resources on navigating the BC healthcare system and discharge planning.

Form

Understanding and Coping with Anticipatory Grief

Grief is often associated with loss after it happens, but what about the grief that arises in anticipation of loss? Anticipatory grief is the emotional response to an impending loss, frequently experienced when a loved one is terminally ill or facing significant changes. This type of grief isn’t limited to death—it can also emerge from major life shifts, such as cognitive decline, relationship transitions, or career changes.

What is Anticipatory Grief?

Unlike traditional grief, which follows a loss, anticipatory grief develops as you prepare for change. It can fluctuate in intensity, shifting as circumstances evolve. Both caregivers and those facing loss may experience it simultaneously, adding emotional complexity.

Common signs of anticipatory grief include:

• Persistent thoughts about the upcoming loss

• Heightened anxiety and fear of the unknown

• Feelings of loneliness or withdrawal

• Increased irritability or mood swings

• Guilt or regret over past actions

Despite its prevalence, anticipatory grief is not widely recognized, even by those experiencing it. This can lead to feelings of isolation, making support networks especially important.

The Intersection of Ambiguous Loss

In some cases, anticipatory grief can overlap with ambiguous loss, which occurs when a person is physically present but emotionally or cognitively absent. This can happen in situations such as dementia, brain injuries, or substance dependency. Because there is no clear resolution, this type of grief can feel continuous and unresolved. Recognizing this overlap can help individuals seek the appropriate coping strategies and support.

The Importance of Community & Self-Care

As you navigate significant changes, prioritizing self-care is essential. Regularly check in with yourself, acknowledge your emotions, and seek out ways to meet your needs. Whether through counseling, support groups, or moments of self-reflection, allowing space for your emotions can be deeply beneficial.

Visualizing Your Emotional Load

Imagine carrying a backpack filled with your worries, hopes, fears, and expectations. At the end of each day, take a moment to set it down. You might visualize:

• Placing it on a shelf

• Storing it in a safe place

• Hanging it up as a reminder that you can pick it up later

• Leaving it outside to give yourself space to breathe

Practicing this regularly can help ease emotional burdens and create a sense of relief and presence in your daily life.

Creating a Personalized Care Plan

Developing an intentional approach to self-care can help you manage anticipatory grief more effectively. Consider reflecting on the following prompts:

• One activity I enjoy and plan to do by (date/time): _______________

• Three qualities I respect and admire about myself: _______________

• A specific way I will take care of myself this week: _______________

• What past coping strategies have helped me through challenges? (e.g., journaling, walking, deep breathing, calling a friend) _______________

• Who are the people in my support system? (e.g., friends, family, online communities) _______________

• Who can I reach out to for support?

  • Name: _______________ Phone #: _______________

  • Name: _______________ Phone #: _______________

  • Name: _______________ Phone #: _______________

Grief—whether anticipatory, ambiguous, or conventional—can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to face it alone. By acknowledging your emotions, seeking support, and making space for self-care, you can navigate this experience with resilience and strength.

Support Services:

• Alzheimer Canada

• Alzheimer Society of BC

  • Alzheimer Canada Guide Book

• BC Bereavement Helpline

• BC Centre for Palliative Care

  • Talking to Your Illness with Loved-Ones & Caregivers

• Cleveland Clinic Grief Resources

• North Shore Caregiver Support

• Patient Pathways - Patient Advocacy & Support

Books:

• BC Bereavement Helpline (BCBH)

• Oprah’s Picks: Books on Grief

• Positive Psychology

• When a Loved One Has Dementia by Eveline Helmink